How Would I know If My Boss Is Sabotaging My New Post
Add this to your Power Plays Black Book- The Exit Punishment Play
When an ex‑boss insists on being the reference, smiles to your face, then describes you to recruiters as “high‑maintenance” or “not a team player”, that’s not support – it’s sabotage.
What makes this so disorientating is you only see the fallout
It’s a power play – the Exit Punishment – designed to keep you orbiting them where most professionals then go into damage‑control mode and lower their ambitions
But treating a vindictive ex‑boss’s behaviour as ‘I just need to be more easy‑going about how people talk about me’ is exactly what lets the Exit Punishment keep doing its job.
Instead of focusing on yourself, you need to assume bad game‑playing is possible.
Practically, that means telling recruiters: ‘For references, the best people to speak to are X and Y – they oversaw my work on A and B’ – so your ex‑boss is no longer the single gatekeeper to your reputation.
This isn’t just about “getting a new job” – it’s about refusing to play the starring role in someone else’s warning story.